I’ve been in design hibernation on a secret graphic design mission, so I haven’t been blogging over the last two weeks. The project still undercover, so I can’t share it just yet.

This is the next in the series of my homeless journals.  Today is Labor Day, a day where we celebrate our economic prosperity through the contributions of the American workforce.  I received a text message from a homeless friend yesterday about holidays.  Let me answer the obvious question here.  Yes, he has a cell phone.  I’m quite sure it’s a prepaid phone, but if he ever has any hope of finding a job, he must have a phone where he can be reached.

The text message said, “...holidays are doubly painful-not only no family to go to but all the libraries close leaving you with no where to go.”  He’s right.  I had never thought about that, from the holiday perspective, that is.  I had planned to go grocery shopping today, but the store where I shop (Aldi) is closed for the holiday.  I don’t know that I was irritated about it, but my plans were altered.  Shopping will have to wait until they reopen tomorrow, as I don’t want to pay a premium for going to a different grocery store.  After receiving this text message, I felt bad for even thinking in that direction.   

No where to go

I don’t like the evenings at all.  I have no desire to sleep in my car again, as it was beyond awful.  Again, I have no idea where I will go tonight.  Right now, I’m sitting on a bench in Frisco Square.  I was at the library, but they closed at 5 p.m.  I don’t think it’s a good idea to use any gas right now since I have no idea where I’ll land for the evening.

I walked through some of the little shops in the Square in efforts to stay cool.  The reality of this is that I don’t smell (completely) horrible yet.  As much as I’m hoping I won’t, that’s just not realistic.  It’s one thing to not have showered when you’re in air-conditioned spaces all the time.  It’s another thing to sleep in your clothes, sweating all night, and then have no place to shower.  If I did smell bad, I would get kicked out of the shops.  If I frequented them a lot, without ever making a purchase, that would be a problem too.  Many years ago, when I worked for Barnes and Noble in Florida, I would sometimes have to be that awful person that kicked out the homeless guy.  I would leave him inside as long as I could, but his smell was really awful and it ran off the customers.  Sadly, I never tried to get to know him.

As a homeless person, you don’t have enough privacy to experience alone time.  I need equal amounts of social time and alone time.  I guess everyone has their own balance of those.  Other than asking people for help and the brief conversation with my friend, I’ve had no interaction with people.  One of my homeless friends says sometimes he goes days without talking to anyone.  That has to be terribly lonely and nobody should have to experience that.  To truly relax and experience alone time, you need some privacy.  Privacy with no fear of someone telling you to leave.

What happens when I run out of gasoline?  What if I can’t find more help?  Where is the best place to be?  If I get asked to move my car, and I don’t have the gas to do it, the car will get towed.

The silence of this is depressing.  It’s still not been 24 hours and it’s making me a little crazy.  how will I be able to handle two weeks of this?  How does anyone handle this, for any length of time?  The crazy thing here, is that we expect homeless people to just act like normal, deal with it and get their lives back on track.

At FFS today, I thought about volunteering again.  They just got a huge amount of food in from a much needed food drive.  I thought I could help during this 2 weeks.  I offered to help and was told, “No.”  I just received assistance, therefore it’s a conflict of interest for me to help.  They want me to get back on my feet first.  I have to wait 6 months after receiving assistance to volunteer.  Okay.  That’s fine.  I guess it makes sense.

I may try sleeping in the Walmart parking lot tonight.  As much as I don’t want to be stopped by the police, I guess it will be a reality at some point.  All of the big box stores have some sort of security.

Why don’t we all appreciate the things we have?  This includes me.  If we did, even just a little more than we do, maybe less people would upsize and upgrade as much.  Yes, that would affect the economy, but what if our society became more service and trade based?  I know that seems crazy, going back to a world where you have trade skills or work with your hands.  A new world where you’re not considered a failure if you mow yards or build things.  Most people think jobs like this are beneath them, but this system could work.  We wouldn’t need as much money because we wouldn’t need the 4,000 square foot house.  A community pool would be better because you don’t have to pay the electric costs or do the maintenance.  You share it with your friends and neighbors, who in some cases are now one in the same.

We wouldn’t have a TV in every room.  The media room goes back into the living room, where we live and interact with each other.  I know this wouldn’t work for everyone, and I’m quite sure most of the people on the planet wouldn’t even be willing to consider it.  Could there ever be a huge shift in the way we think about space and materialism?  Maybe, maybe not, but I’m not giving up on this idea.

I can’t experience the desperation required to do this effectively.  I knew that going in, but it’s making this really difficult.  If I had no expiration date for my homeless situation, I would be doing things completely different.  A job search would be my top priority.  Looking for long term solutions versus trying to survive for two weeks on virtually nothing would be a top priority.  Do I start looking for a job while doing this?

Honestly, I should look at this two week plan.  Should I modify it?  Should I do this for a week, then spend the second week doing something to help?  I could interview people at the Samaritan Inn.  I could have some more conversations with my homeless friends.  How about some brainstorming with people on combating homeless issues and helpful solutions?  I’m not sure right now but I’m thinking about it.

While walking around Frisco Square, I realized that tonight was Music in the Square.  This is an every Friday night thing in the summer, starting at 7:30 p.m.  I had parked in the parking garage behind City Hall because it’s shaded all day long.  I walked back to the car to eat dinner, which consisted of fruit and yogurt, the things I needed to eat before they spoil.  I had the entire 2nd floor of the parking garage to myself, eating my dinner sitting outside the car, enjoying the nice breeze.

A little after 7:30 p.m., I went down to the park to listen to the music.  The lawn was covered with families and couples.  There were kids everywhere.  I looked as if the parents brought them here to wear them out and make them tired, making bedtime and easy task tonight.  I sat on the edge of the long fountain lining the front of City Hall.  I didn’t have the prepared setup of a lawn chair, cooler and blanket.

I sat there listening to the music for over two hours, not moving once.  The hot concrete ledge I was sitting on as the sun set never lost a bit of its heat.  I didn’t move because I had no place to go.  Nights are hard.

I left the downtown area and drove to a local Walmart parking lot.  Yes, I know, it’s against my better judgement, but you always hear that this is where the homeless people go.  I’m not so sure that’s true around here.  They have a police tower in the parking lot.  I’m guessing that was added after the shooting several months ago?  If I stay here, will I be seen?  I’m parked on the edge of the lot, away from the other cars.  I decided to lean my seat back.  That was a terrible idea!  Not only is it uncomfortable, there are just too many people, cars and lights.  It took less than 5 minutes to realize this was not going to work.

Ugh, moving now means using even more precious gas that is in short supply.  I sat in the Walmart lot for about 20 more minutes and decided to move to Kroger.  Same thing, bright lights that seem to be strategically placed to shine into my mirrors, bouncing light directly into my face.  Again, this won’t work.  Now where?

The gas needle is struggling to stay on ¼ of a tank.  I stayed in the Kroger parking lot for another 15 minutes before deciding where to go.  A neighborhood?  Maybe.  A different apartment complex?  Maybe.  I drove around and finally followed a car into an apartment complex.  this lot was much better than the complex I was in last night.  I could park away from other cars.  Here we go again.  Another night of fitful sleep, this time in the front seat of the car.

Where are you going today?

Newspaper photo from texasliberal.wordpress.com