…of toilets.  Yes, it’s true.  I cannot bring myself to fix one of these when it breaks.  This fear stems from my childhood.

When I was about 8, we lived in a house that had 1.5 bathrooms.  My mom, being the neat freak that she was, only allowed us to use one of the bathrooms.  The other bathroom got used so rarely that the toilet water evaporated and there was always a ring around where the water had been.  You could count the rings, similar to telling the age of a tree, but there rings being measured in days, not years.  The main toilet was having problems, so my parents showed me how to fix it, just in case it happened when they weren’t home.  My, how times have changed!  Home alone.

If the toilet kept running, I was to jiggle the handle.  If that didn’t work, I was to remove the top and jiggle the little white thing.  Seemed simple enough.  Even at that age, my dad had to hide his tools because I would build stuff out of anything I could get my hands on.  So, of course, I came home from school one day, used the bathroom and the toilet kept running water.  I jiggled the handle, waited, knowing good and well that I would eventually have to remove the lid.  Yes, lid time.  I took it off, jiggled the white thing, and in seconds I had a 3 foot geiser going.

I panicked.  There were no instructions for this disaster!!!  All I could think about is how my mom was going to kill me for making a huge mess.  I quickly placed my finger over the spot where the water was coming out.  Then I thought, “Where is all this water going that I’m holding back??”  Look, I was 8 years old people.  A new panic set in at that point.  I let go, ran to the phone and called my friend next door.  She ran over to my house and found me back at the toilet, holding back the water that was probably flooding someone’s house in China.  After two young kids deliberating over something they knew nothing about, my friend ran outside to find some help.  She came back in less than five minutes with some guy she found on the street.  Again, this was a different day and age.  The man came in, turned off the water and quickly left the house.  I lived in a middle class, suburban area and I still wonder, to this day, where that man came from.  

Obviously, my mom didn’t kill me, but she sure wasn’t happy with me or the toilet situation.  Now, when I have to fix a toilet, I just can’t do it.  I usually try to find a friend that will help and I even called a plumber on one occasion.  I have to be seriously scared of something to throw money at it.  Now the toilet in my master bath is cracked.  It has been for a long time.  It’s not leaking or anything, but it will eventually need replacing.  That’s the last area in the house without flooring.  When I finally decide to tile over the stained concrete, I’ll replace the toilet as well.

I found many pre-owned toilets in some home salvage stores, and they’re in good condition, and yes, clean.  Here’s one I found that I thought was pretty funny.

I don’t need a pearlized iridescent toilet, and honestly, I can’t believe this exists.  I would like a new dual flush, water efficient toilet, but there just aren’t many used ones.  I was completely confused the first time I ran across a dual flush toilet, as the #1 and #2 buttons are not labeled well.  Good thing they don’t use icons for those.

Here’s a few other photos of toilets I’ve taken in abandoned houses.  I didn’t realize I was taking these photos until a friend pointed it out.  Enjoy the weirdness.  I do realize this is odd.

The toilet paper is empty in this abandoned house and the bottle of Pine-Sol cracks me up.

The abandoned pop art toilet, with toilet artwork on the inside of the lid.

This was in an abandoned hoarder house.  Gross.  The newspaper on the floor is a little bit funny.

I wanted to end with something pleasant.  This is in my friend’s backyard.  She’s growing “potty peppers”.  What are you scared of?