I visited a local agency for help on my homeless journey.  Every church in the area at least mentioned it, most of them saying they support it and that’s where I must go for any help.

This is another journal entry.  I am using the name of the agency, as you would be able to guess it.  They are doing good things there, and like all other agencies, they’re under-resourced.

A trip to the food pantry

I feel the need to go someplace familiar.  I think I’ll go to the library next.  Or better yet, I’ll go to Frisco Family Services.  I’m not expecting much, but I need to see what all the hype is about.  When everyone in town is sending you to the same place, is there really any choice?  I need to eat for two weeks, and this is looking like my only option, besides dumpster diving.  I am reluctant to go, as I know they’ll have lots of paperwork and that makes pretending a lot more difficult.  I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach.  Pretending to be homeless is stressful.  I can’t image how awful homelessness really is.  I took a deep breath and walked inside.  

I was the only one in there.  The receptionist was nice, asking me a lot of questions, then giving me 3 forms to fill out.  One of the forms, when flipped over to the backside, was an essay question about what my crisis situation is and why I need help.  I said I was about to lose my house, when some of my friends decided to rent it from me.  “I’m living with friends right now while my two children are with their dad for the summer.”  As I’m filling out all of the paperwork, I can’t help but wonder what agencies will be following up on my situation.  Will I get a call or visit from child protective services?  I have no idea what they will do with all of this information.

Because of my rental situation, I only qualified for a one-time visit to the food pantry.  As this was a good thing in my two-week endeavor, there are a few things about this that makes it not so great.  First, I will not have to struggle for food during my homelessness.  That alone makes it even more unrealistic.  Second, they don’t know I’m homeless.  Why did I lie about that?  I don’t even know, but I have no place to put groceries.  My car is awesome (paid for), but it doesn’t have a pantry or refrigerator.  Third, if I was really in the situation I described, a one time visit to the food pantry will help short-term, but what about long-term?  I’ve just been denied long-term help here.  If my situation gets worse, will they talk with me again?  I have no idea.  I didn’t try for any other assistance, as I don’t have the paperwork to prove hardship.

I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this before, but anyone that helps me, I had planned to repay them as soon as I’m back in my normal life.  Now that I think about it, I’ll double the repayment.  

The lady quickly processed my paperwork and had me back in the food pantry in a matter of minutes.  This was not my first time in the food pantry, as I volunteered here years ago, when I had Monday’s off.  The girl in the back, Sue, was so wonderful.  She never made me feel bad about my situation, and as a matter of fact, she made me feel better by not judging me and just being nice.  She gave me a tour, explained how everything works and asked me to find her if I had any questions.

I grabbed a cart and I was ready to get some food.  I had to lie some more and say my friend had limited refrigerator and freezer space that I could use.  They also gave me credit for my kids, who will not be with me until the end of summer.  Sue called me by name each time I passed her while shopping.  She’s an angel.  If there were more people like Sue, this whole world would be a better place.

Walking these aisles felt wrong.  I know I’m doing this for a good purpose, but it really feels wrong.  I will be able to go back and tell my church what people can expect once we send them to FFS.  No churches really knew what I would run into, and I know my church is no exception.  Don’t get me wrong, they know what FFS does, they just don’t understand how the system works.  They knew where to send me and why they were sending me there.  I needed help and they supported an agency that would give me help.  I found it a little funny that so many churches support FFS without having a clue about how they operate.  Wouldn’t that be like paying for an insurance policy each month without knowing what it would cover or how you would make a claim if you needed to?  What would the process be?  How much coverage do you have?  Simply put, you wouldn’t do that.  So why are churches doing that with their compassion programs?  I don’t think it’s an intentional thing, but it’s passing people off for someone else to deal with the issue.

I took my time, shopping in the four aisles of the food pantry, trying to assess what I could use in my situation.  I feel like I’m stealing.  I guess if you look at this realistically, I am stealing.  Even knowing I’ll give it all back two time over, it’s still scamming the system.  

Choosing the food was difficult.  Anything that would keep in the heat of July in my car is worth getting.  Thank God for preservatives!  I took cans with pull tabs, as I have no can opener.  I also have to eat this stuff cold, or car-heat warm.  Nope, I have no camping gear with me.

I selected a few refrigerated items, taking only what I could eat in one day.  No milk, no eggs and no meats.  Where would I cook meat anyway?  All in all, I got way less groceries than I was allowed.  I didn’t want to take advantage of this, nor did I want to waste any of it.  My kids weren’t there, but having them on the family count yielded me a few more fruits and veggies.

At the end, they told me to take as many baked goods as I wanted.  They have so much stuff!  Cakes, pies, breads, scones, bagels, you name it.  Enough to feed an army!  It’s Friday and they have to throw away at the end of the day.  What?!  They aren’t open on the weekends and all of the baked good will go bad.  How can I get this stuff down to Dallas?  Our Calling could get it distributed to people that need it instead of it going in a landfill.  That’s going first on my return checklist.

When I checked out, they kept asking if I was sure I didn’t need any milk?  Eggs?  More toilet paper?  “You can have 4 rolls.”  Meat?  Why not?  Bring it to your friend that you’re living with.  I wondered how different this process might be if I’d told them I was homeless.  Didn’t they see the clues?  Pull tabs and no cold stuff?  They don’t watch enough detective shows, as these are easy signs that I have no place to live.  I couldn’t fake the homeless paperwork, because as soon as they ran my information, they would realize I own two houses with mortgages paid up to date.

I left with a huge cart full of food and some toiletries.  Now if I get stopped by the police, it will be way more obvious that I’m homeless.

After leaving FFS, I planned to go to the library.  I remember being there once, freezing because I was sitting next to an a/c floor vent.  I placed the refrigerated good in my purse, and upon arrival at the library, sat next to a floor fridge.  I placed my purse on top and had some temporary refrigeration.

Should churches send people to an agency for help?

I’m not going to try and answer this, as I believe there are many correct answers to this question.  It’s not a matter of yes or no, it’s a matter of structure.  Here are a few thoughts on the topic.

• Learn about your local agency.  How does it work?  If we send someone there for help, are they getting what they need?
• Support them.  If your local agency is helping people, are you giving them enough support?  Financially?  Donations?  Volunteers?
• Go visit.  Don’t be a stranger.  Get to know them and know what their current needs are.

How can you help?

We’re all in different situations, but everyone can help in some way.

• Participate.  Help a local fundraiser or give to a local food drive.
• Volunteer.  If you have some time, this is a great thing to do.  Even if it’s not often, every little bit helps.
• Be intentional.  Don’t just ‘clean out’ your pantry and closets.  These things aren’t bad, but if you don’t want it…  What I mean by this is watch what you’re giving.  I’ve volunteered at the food pantry and saw a lot of expired food come in.  They can’t use it and I’m guessing it goes in the trash.  Also, shopping there, fruits and vegetables are scarce.

We can all make a difference.  If you have any ideas, please share!