I keep trying to make these postings into something perfect.  I want to post each one with some info about what it is, you know, setting the context.  Then I want to make the post and ask questions about it afterward.  I want to edit, read, reread, rewrite… you get the picture.  The problem?  Time.  I haven’t had time to do all of this, so I’m choosing to let it go.  I’ll be posting what I have written already so I can get it out there.  Here’s another journal entry about homelessness in suburbia.

Journal entry: Looking homeless

The goal today is to not spend a single penny, blend into suburbia and put more miles on my shoes than my car.

I order to fit in, you need the critical mass crowd, meaning enough people around you to make you invisible.  Looking homeless in suburbia means to not look homeless.  I guess that’s why I didn’t fit in at Starbucks this morning.  I looked like I just woke up, my hair a mess and my clothing not that of the typical customer in this area.  And just wait until the next time I try to get a refill with my paper cup.  Even with all of the cleaning and care I’ve given it, the seams are swollen and stained and some of the coffee spots on the outside of it are permanent.  It’s starting to look as though I might have pulled it out of the trash can, which may be my next option. 

Many of the programs seem to be designed around the fact that many people will work the system.  I understand the rules need to be in place, however it does make it more difficult for those who really need the help.  Everyone has heard the story about the guy panhandling all day, then leaving to go get in his Mercedes parked around the corner to drive home.  Surprisingly, this is a story that has been told so many times, by so many reporters that everyone has heard some version of it.  Is it true?  Yes, but that’s not all homeless people.  Are there ways to help people while not enabling the scammers?  Yes.  I’ll get into that later on, but there are ways around it.

When you first become homeless, even a chosen state of it, you’re thrown into a whole new world.  One where nothing is familiar or good, and yet we expect people to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, whatever that means, and get their life back on track.  I don’t even think reentry into my own reality will be that easy.

The key to fitting in here at the mall and other retailers is to look busy and interested in spending money.  Right now I need to stay cool.  Air conditioning is my lifeline.  It feels weird to be browsing in a big box store, but you can’t just sit here.  No, suburban homeless people must fit in and blend in.  Walking through the store showing interest makes me look normal.  Well, as normal as I can look.  Walking fast, with purpose, helps too.

I’m at the used bookstore now, blending in and reviewing a copy of Under the Overpass.  The author did a celebratory dinner after his 5 months of posing as a homeless person.  I’m going to be out here for 2 weeks.  It hasn’t even been 2 days, but feels like 2 months.  My celebration?  Take my homeless friends out to dinner.  Figure out a way to get all those baked goods from FFS to people in need.  Bring a bunch of pizzas to some homeless people that I don’t know, in an area that I don’t usually go.

I want to be changed, but more than that, I want to create change.  Will I be able to?