Here’s a journal entry about depending on the kindness of strangers from a homeless perspective. I visited 20+ churches, asking for assistance with food and gas money. This journal entry details my first three church visits, encompassing the best and worst experiences.
Please understand where I’m coming from with this. As a Christian, I believe we should help people when we can and never pass up an opportunity that’s in front of us. I’m not trying to reveal the good, bad and ugly of churches, however I am trying to shed some light on procedural opportunities and how our practices are perceived by people in need. How can we help if we don’t have the big picture, or all of the picture?
Depending on the kindness of strangers [journal entry]
My first stop was to a large mega-church. Even posing as a homeless person, there is not a single part of my being that wants to go inside and ask for help. Did I even bring a shirt to change into? I can’t go in with this one, as it has a large coffee stain on the front. I found another shirt in my car and quickly changed into it. (Yes, in my car) I sat there for a while longer, getting really hot. I’m stalling. This is so uncomfortable. “Open the door,” I keep saying to myself, over and over. Finally, I did.
[Back in the car from my mega-church visit] This paperwork packet is big, and I’m pretty sure there was less paperwork when I purchased my house. The lady in the office was less than nice to me, and also very direct. She suggested I read through it because they couldn’t do anything if I couldn’t provide everything required. I asked nicely if I could use the pen sitting on the counter. She sternly said, “No. You need to sit down and read through all of it first. If you can’t provide everything required, we will not help you.” Wow, I just asked for some immediate help with food, nothing else. I sat and read the packet as I was told to do. The first page was yelling their requirements at me in all capital letters, bolded, underlined, in red and some even double underlined. 
If red letters represent the words of Jesus, this couldn’t possibly be a church. The thing that stood out to me was the part that said, “WE CANNOT PROVIDE ANY IMMEDIATE ASSISTANCE. YOU MUST WAIT 3-4 WEEKS FOR A RESPONSE.” Cannot or will not? I got up after reading that, told the lady I would try to get all my documents together and come back. Her unimpressed look implied she was happy I was leaving and she knew she had just won a financial victory over someone that probably didn’t need help anyway. Feeling heartsick that anyone would be subjected to this, I thanked her and left.
If this is what I’m going to run into the rest of the day, this is going to be much more difficult than I thought. I knew it wouldn’t be a cakewalk, but I guess I expected a little compassion.
The next church was a good size and located on a busy street. As I write this, I’ve decided not to say the names of any churches, whether or not the experience is good or bad. The bad ones will hopefully read this and know who they are. Maybe they’ll change, maybe not. As for the good ones, I don’t want them to be taken advantage of by the few that would do that, so I’ll just mention some of the relevant details.
I got out of my car and saw a lot of kids playing outside. The sign for the church offices was immediately visible, pointing to a trailer-style temporary building. When I went to open the door, it was locked. Let me just say that locked doors are very unwelcoming. I looked away from the temporary building to the main building and saw a set of doors that looked like an entrance. I tugged at the double doors, but they were locked as well. I left. None of the parents in the play areas even looked my direction, much less asking if they could help me.
I feel sick to my stomach right now. I’m not sure if it’s from not eating yet or this process. I can’t imagine doing this without my exit date. I drove away from the parking lot, going the opposite direction from the next church I wanted to go to. This is an issue in itself, because it uses more gas to take a longer route, even if that’s just driving once around a parking lot. This has been top of mind over the last 12 hours and I’m quite sure it won’t be the last time I have to think about it.
What am I doing? Two weeks?! It hasn’t even been 24 hours yet. This is awful. The air conditioning in my 15 year-old vehicle is doing very little to keep me cool during these incredibly hot days.
My next stop is a good size, contemporary church on a side street. I hoped this time I was in the right place to get some much ‘needed’ help. I walked inside and thought this church practices good stewardship, as it’s not ridiculously cold in here like most places that could easily house a snowman.
The offices were easy to find. It made me think about our church offices. They’re difficult to find, and you would never find it without some verbal directions. The really great part about this, is that signage is my job. Enough said. I stepped into the office.
The receptionist was very nice, as a matter of fact, everyone there was. Even the people that were just walking by said hello to me. After being told about Frisco Family Services (FFS), I was told that Pastor Larry would speak with me. After a few minutes he came out, introduced himself and escorted me into a nearby office.
He offered me a chair and then sat in one across from me. He politely started a conversation with me by asking what was going on. He was really nice, and I didn’t feel like he was judging me. I explained that I’m in a financial bind and I could use a little assistance to get back on my feet. He then asked me a few questions. “Do you live in Frisco? Do you have kids? Are you part of a church family?” Of course I had to lie. He explained the their church supports FFS and they usually just send people there. He follow that up with an explanation of how many requests they get for help and how it would impossible for them to help every person that came through their doors. “Churches have expenses too…” He continued explaining to me, in a non-offensive way. He continued on about how it helps to be a part of a church family, not only for support, but he would be able to do more financially as well. 
He said he could give me a $25.00 grocery store gift card to take care of some immediate needs and hopefully buy me some time. He invited me to church, then asked for my name, address and phone number. I never said I was homeless, although at some point I might have eluded to it. He asked me to wait in the reception area.
As I sat there, I started to panic a bit. What is he doing? What if he finds a reason not to give me the gift card? What if he’s Googling me right now and sees what I’m doing? He could find out I work for a church or see my blog. As I was pondering all the “what ifs,” Larry returned with my card. I thanked him and the receptionist and left, grateful for the small financial safety net. I don’t cry, but I did have a few brief seconds of feeling tears somewhere in the depths of my eyes, though none ever surfaced. I don’t know why, but I’m guessing, posing or not, I’m at the mercy of strangers now.
What if I find a lot of people like Larry? What would it be like to get all the Larry’s together to brainstorm ways to help people in poverty, homeless or similar crisis situations? Crazy idea, but I think it would be awesome.
20+ Church Visits
Over the two weeks I was out and about as a homeless person, I visited over 20 local churches. I plan to post more info about this, as I think there’s a lot of things we could do a little bit better to help people in tough situations, without enabling them. Larry’s church is the only one of the 20+ that invited me to church, or spent any time talking to me.
And to answer your next question, no, I didn’t visit my own church. They know me and knew what I was up to. As I was telling this story to a friend of mine, he had asked our church for help at one point, mentioning to me that we also invite people to church and that’s how he ended up attending there.
3 Simple Changes
Here are three simple changes your church can make to help people in an unpleasant life situation.
- Unlock your doors. Most of the places I went had people there, but it was like a puzzle in figuring out how to get in and get to them. In some cases it was a set of 6 doors where only one was unlocked. Others were locked, and as I walked away, someone opened it and asked what I needed in the parking lot. Awkward! Unlocked doors during business hours is just a simple way to make your church welcoming to everyone, crisis or not.
- Be nice. Yes, this seems like an obvious thing, but sadly it was not the majority response from the 20+ churches. I’ll get into this more in future blog posts, but simply greeting someone with a smile and a hello really goes a long way.
- Don’t judge people. We’re human and our brain processes what we see as soon as we see it. There were some people that intentionally judged me as soon as I became ‘one of those’ people by asking for assistance. Then there were those who weren’t judging me consciously, but were uncomfortable in the situation, changing their still pleasant demeanor to standoffish and sterile.
These three things seem simple to me. Am I on track here? What does your church do when people ask for assistance?
Thank you for sharing your journey… I have attempted a similar journey while living in Chicago and was saddened by the lack of empathy from the local and community churches. What saddened me the most is the underlying feeling of disrespect I felt. I believe one act of kindness at a time could change the world. Yet, most people I encountered in the churches I visited must not have felt the same. I wondered why they served a position if they could not be nice.
The lesson I learned in life was to treat each person with kindness, no matter what, for you never can tell if they are an angel in disguise. I felt sad to be judged before talking… My heart changed. The economy has caused many churches to be standoffish and bitter at times. I witnessed this loud and clear. But who are we if we don’t help each other?
One day, while working in pastoral care center I, myself, was sitting at my desk when a shabby unkempt looking man in a gray jogging suit and red baseball cap walked into the center where I worked. I assumed he was homeless and offered him a cup of tea and some cookies, he sat down on the chair next to my desk, and I listened. We shared a lengthy conversation, including how each each has son’s served in the U.S. Marines. As he calmed down he became ‘brighter’, happy just to be heard. Upon leaving I asked if there was anything I can do for him and he asked for prayer. He left and I didn’t think much about him the rest of that day, only that he came in looking sad and left with a smile. I prayed for him that night.
The very next day the same elderly man walked in with a younger man, his son, both in nice suits and the shabby unkempt man was neatly shaved and looked great! He said to me “Do you know who I am?” I said we met yesterday. I admit, I was a bit puzzled. He handed me a certified check with a donation amount of $8,000.00 for the pastoral counseling center I tended to! Why did he do this? He had been doing the same as you did, once a week for nearly a year he visited churches in his shabby look, and our center was the first to not chase him away, belittle him and or make him feel ashamed of his situation. Instead, I welcomed him without knowing his wealth just because he needed someone to listen to him… I will never forget this man, he has since passed away but the lesson remains.
We, as God’s children need to treat each other with respect and help each other in any way we can, whether financial, spiritual or emotional. Life is difficult at times. We all need help at times. For me, I learned never to judge… this man had a heart and soul! He was a wonderful human being who happened to be a millionaire! It’s simple… Love each other! :)
In regards to the locked buildings, we must take into consideration the churches that do so for the protection of the children being cared for during normal business hours. I have worked at many churches in their child care area & they have had to keep the doors locked for this reason. I assume you’d want to know your children are completely safe while in the hands of someone else.
I completely understand that reasoning. Of the 20+ churches I went to, one was full of children, and not only had the doors unlocked, but I walked right into the area where they were. The church in this post that had the offices locked, had their offices in a separate building. The kids were playing near by and at least one lady saw me, but quickly turned away. Also, many of the churches didn’t have any type of VBS or daycare. This has been a hot topic on Facebook. I’m trying now to get permission to post the comments. Thanks for your input. :)